Why Choose Polyamory? A Look at the Motivations
A new study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior explores what leads people to choose polyamorous relationships. Polyamory, as defined by the study, is a relationship style where partners have open and honest agreements to have romantic and/or sexual relationships with multiple people at the same time. Contrary to popular stereotypes, polyamorous individuals report high levels of relationship quality and satisfaction. This study delves into the motivations behind choosing this alternative relationship style, providing valuable insights for both researchers and clinicians.
Methodology
The study recruited 63 U.S. American adults who had experience with polyamorous relationships through the polyamory subreddit. Participants answered open-ended questions about their experiences, including what initially motivated them to pursue polyamory. A team of researchers analyzed these responses to identify recurring themes.
Key Motivations for Embracing Polyamory
The study identified four key themes driving individuals to polyamory:
- Values Alignment: Participants felt drawn to polyamory because it resonated with their core values about relationships.
- Authenticity: Polyamory provided a way to relate to others in an open and honest way, allowing them to be their true selves without denying their feelings or attractions.
- Rejection of Societal Norms: Some individuals saw monogamy as an arbitrary societal expectation and felt that polyamory offered more freedom and autonomy in their relationships.
- Evolving Relationship Needs: Some transitioned to polyamory from other forms of consensual non-monogamy, such as open relationships or swinging, finding that polyamory better fulfilled their need for deeper emotional connections.
- Relationship Factors: Existing relationship dynamics often played a role in the decision to explore polyamory.
- Dissatisfaction with Monogamy: Some participants felt something was missing in their monogamous relationships and turned to polyamory to address these unmet needs or try to save a struggling relationship.
- Partner-Initiated: In some cases, one partner's desire to explore polyamory led the couple to transition to this style.
- External Stimuli: Outside influences sometimes sparked an interest in polyamory.
- Developing Feelings for Another Person: Meeting someone who challenged their existing relationship model prompted individuals to reconsider the possibility of loving multiple people.
- Exposure Through Friends or Media: Seeing polyamory represented positively in their social circles or through media helped some individuals recognize it as a valid relationship option.
- Sexuality: The desire for sexual exploration and diverse experiences was a motivating factor for some.
- Variety and Exploration: Polyamory provided a way to experience different sexual interests and engage with partners who shared their desires.
- Managing Discrepancies in Desire: Couples with mismatched libidos or different sexual interests found that polyamory could help address these differences and meet each partner's needs.
Polyamory and Self-Determination Theory
The study's findings align with self-determination theory (SDT), which posits that individuals thrive when their basic psychological needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness are met. The motivations expressed by participants strongly reflect the needs for autonomy and relatedness. Polyamory allows for greater freedom in choosing relationship styles and creating fulfilling connections with multiple partners.
Implications and Future Directions
This research challenges common misconceptions about polyamory. The study authors suggest that future research should explore how different motivations relate to relationship outcomes and well-being. Additionally, this knowledge can help clinicians support clients exploring polyamory and develop interventions that address the unique needs of polyamorous individuals.
The study highlights that polyamory is a deliberate choice driven by a desire for authenticity, freedom, and meaningful connections. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing polyamory as a legitimate relationship style and understanding the diverse motivations behind choosing this path.
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